I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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