I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
