Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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