I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
