i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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