I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
