I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
where are my eyebrows?
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