You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just found puke in my bra..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize