On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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