dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
