I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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