My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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