I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I looked at my own cervix.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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