She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
