new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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