I think my fart just growled at me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
