I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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