I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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