your thong is hanging out like whoa
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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