Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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