hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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