last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize