She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
