At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
