Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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