Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
