I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals