dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air