Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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