I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
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Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks