I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
