we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm getting married
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!