Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.