i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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