Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
