I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
