dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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