I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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