woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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