We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
