the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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