I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
