I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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