My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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