Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
