Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
