We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
