There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
