Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
