the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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