I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
