I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I will be naked everywhere
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
