I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
