he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize