I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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