bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
