I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
