There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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