I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
