I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
