Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
